🎄🥀Days of Xmas 3/9 "Smell Like A Savior"
A couple of my favorite adult Letters & Gifts for Santa (aka 'Eggnography')
As young adults, my brother & I started an Xmas eve tradition of leaving an obnoxious letter & gift for Santa. (They are all archived at Eggnography.com)
The first year we left out lines of fake cocaine (sugar) and a sympathetic letter acknowledging how hard it must be to keep his energy up all night to deliver presents.
The second year we left a plate of cut veggies and a letter expressing concern about his weight & health. Santa did NOT thing that one was funny.
Here are a couple of my other favorite gifts and notes:
Dear Santa,
The economic downturn has been tough on all of us. And while we’re not privy to your financial statements, the number of kids asking for ipods and cell phones can NOT be making things any easier for you.
But not to worry!
We have been tossing around some ideas and we think we have some rock-solid ideas to help you maximize profits and avoid any Elfin layoffs.
We’ve come up with 2 new revenue streams for you:
1) Leverage your good name.
(Not in a tacky way, of course.) We have a couple suggestions right off the bat and have initiated talks with Procter and Gamble (for a “Candy Cane” scented line of hair and beard grooming products) as well as the Nestle corporation (see prototype candy packaging attached to this note.)
2) Hire out the Elf workforce during the off season.
There are hundreds of options, but the obvious one to start with are as stunt men for children (duh! Maybe you are already doing this?) We also have some interested parties who would like to get started on some miniature re-enactments of Civil War battles.
Look, we love you and don’t mean to tell you how to do your business. But times are tough and we hate to see you (or any Elf families) suffer.
Humbly,
Jimmy & Johnny
(Read Santa’s response & more letters at Eggnography.com)
Another year we made fake packaging for new cologne fragrance:
The letter said,
Dear Santa!
Thanks so much for all your hard work!
But as we all know, with hard work, comes a manly odor.
Not only do you have the undeniable stench of an overweight man in too much clothing, but you’ve also got to deal with the smell from a night’s worth of reindeer debris, chimney soot, and the occasional kiss from someone else’s mommy.
Not to worry! We got your back, Santaman! Just spray a bit of this stuff on your way home and Mrs. Claus will love you for it.
Jimmy & Johnny
(Read Santa’s response & more letters at Eggnography.com)
I usually don’t figure out what we’re going to write until the last minute, but if you have any topical ideas, let me know!
Love you like a bowl full of jelly,
Halcyon