My brother and I leave an âadultâ letter for Santa every year.
Considering I ordered from DOORDASH today, this one from 3 years ago deserves to be re-shared:
Dear Santa 2019,
Youâve got a great track record with your Xmas eve productivity. But what about the rest of the year? Itâs time to stop wasting reindeer labor and pigeon-holing yourself into an industry that only has demand for ONE night a year!
We propose a partnership with âDOOR DASHâ to create the worldâs FIRST food delivery service that focuses on North Pole eateries.
Why limit yourself to toys!? With your drug-fueled slavesâŠI mean, âmystical, well-treated reindeer,â you can magically deliver food all over the world! That means that everyone can now enjoy the menus of such delicious regional restaurants as:
Yule Thai â featuring Pole-to-pole fusion dishes like Mock Penguin Curry
Spaghetti & Sleigh Bells
Tundra Sushi (featuring elk & moose rolls!)
Burger Cane
TGIF (Thank God Its Figgy) the popular âbuild your ownâ pudding bar and tasting room
North Pho-king Pole
Santaâs Hamburger Helper Lounge (although their âEndless Gingerbread Basketâ will not be available for delivery.)
And craft cocktails from âNorth Poleâ & âSugarplumsâ (the highest Yelp-rated gay & lesbian elf bars, respectively.)
You then collect a modest service charge for every delivery.
CHA-CHING!
Sound *appetizing*?
Letâs do lunch.
Love you,
Jimmy & Johnny.
2019 Santa Response
Dear Jimmy and Johnny,
I think youâre on to something. People need food every day so there would be unlimited demand. And because of my advanced delivery system, I could probably run the other food delivery folks out of business. Plus, by using the chimney method, weâll save a lot of time.
This could be a great income producer AND do it year round. I like that CHA-CHING idea.
I think maybe we should start fazing out the Santa letters and toy delivery and concentrate on the Door Dasher. (Dasher particularly likes that name for the enterprise) I mean, really, arenât we all a little tired of all these toys?
So, do you know anyone in marketing who could help us? Iâm excited about this new direction.
Letâs go for it!
Thanks,
Santa
Check out all the past letters at Eggnography.com